If I Were A Girl

As a Man, here are 43 things I would not do in my relationship, if I were a girl...

(1) Unnecessarily delay saying 'yes' when I feel the same about him.

(2) Try-out dating. Why smell what I won't eat?

(3) Be too demanding. Consideration is such a vital key.

(4) Love him for "what he is". It'd rather be for "who he is".

(5) Show-off to him or show-him-off to people.

(6) Keep close contacts and links with my ex(s). This may not be an issue when there is trust, but I personally don't think it's healthy for a relationship.

(7) Hesitate to watchfully and prayerfully choose my friends. Even the few I choose shouldn't know too much about what I share with him. Evil Communication corrupts good manner.

(8) Place my friends' advice/opinion above his, shun his own and listen to theirs.

(9) Say "I love him" when I don't.

(10) Refuse to say it when I really do.

(11) Struggle to be like him. A Real Man values his woman best for ways she's different.

(12) Question his authority/right to take the lead. My only duty is to follow. 'Cause it takes as much strength to follow, as it takes to lead. That in any way does not imply that I cannot register my opinion; it only means I cannot enforce it.

(13) Compete with him rather than complete him.

(14) Challenge his manhood. Since it is so actively done everywhere else, my arms should be a home of solace where he comes to find peace of mind that is usually not readily available to him out there.

(15) Discuss his weaknesses with my friends and family. That would amount to selling his honour and respect. NOBODY will respect my man beyond the one I give him in their presence.

(16) Spend time trying to understand men; I only need to understand my man.

(17) Refuse to "hold his hand" in public (A figurative expression that simply implies that I am proud of him anywhere, anytime). I don't care who's watching, he's all mine and I'm all his.

(18) Make "my wooers" an important topic to discuss with him.

(19) Make "sex denial" the way to get back at him because he has hurt me so bad.

(20) Take an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Folly pays back with the same coin.

(21) Compare him with any other man, not to his face and not behind his back.

(22) Consciously misbehave to prove my worth to him. In quietness lies a woman's strength. If he is the right man for me, he won't take my submission for granted.

(23) Consider "break-up" an option when we disagree. Good Men are scarce, so if I have found one, I should disagree to agree with him.

(24) Think he is weak because he is in love with/obsessed about me. Experience has thought me that there is only one short step between love and hate, as there is between life and death.

(25) Make just one day our "valentine". Everyday of the relationship should be.

(26) Keep secrets. True love is naked and not ashamed.

(27) Ask "what is wrong with him" more often than "what is wrong with me".

(28) Make decisions that only gratify me. I have to satisfy him too. Nothing kills a good man faster than loving a self-centred woman.

(29) Sacrifice being loved for being right.

(30) Let my attitude and entire personality project an "I will find a bigger and better guy by tomorrow if you leave me today" message.

(31) Make very little space for him in my life. Place him so low on my list of priorities that his interest wanes.

(32) Be too busy to make him a home-cooked meal; the hands that feed a Man sticks to his heart.

(33) Refuse to be a listening ear for his concern because I am so occupied with my own.

(34) Be so good to other people at his expense. What will it profit a woman who gains the world and loses her man?

(35) Abandon home for too long in the pursuit of too many high goals, especially when the kids are still very young. If my man is always out there working and he effectively carries out his duty of providing all the family needs, I think he needs me more to help him build his children and the home.

(36) Fight him in public or on the home front. He needs a lover not a fighter.

(37) Doubt his words? Never! There is no love without trust.

(38) Be comfortable with late-night, Pinot Grigio-fuelled calls and text messages from any other guy. Trust is not automatic, it is worked for, earned, proven; and it grows with time and situations.

(39) Be ALL OVER HIM while he is so busy at work or anywhere else... that he can barely breathe or think straight. An interfering wife can sometimes be too irritating.

(40) Nag over every little thing. If you want to get your own way ask him nicely. Nagging can create unwanted rift or can make things worse between the two of you.

(41) Stick with the guy who takes me for granted. If I have worked well to earn Respect and I don't get it, then he doesn't deserve me.

(42) Lean on my own understanding when he's no more the guy I used to know. There's a God up there who vindicates. Wisdom, alone, is profitable to direct.

(43) Read this piece and say "hey, Olaotan, you can never understand what or how it feels to be a girl 'cause you are not and can never be one". Well, I totally admit. But at least, I know what they do and don't do that I am not and can never be pleased with. And on that note, I can come up with a few of them, hoping that somebody will read it and change her ways.

When Should You Contact Your Ex Girlfriend After a Breakup?

If you want to get your ex girlfriend back in your life, you need to be careful about when and how you contact her. As you may have read elsewhere, many relationship gurus encourage you not to contact your ex for a period of time after breaking up. This is often referred to as the "no contact" period.

Now, that's definitely true -- you don't want to be pestering your ex girlfriend with endless calls or texts -- so you should give your ex space for a few weeks after a breakup. This helps show your ex girlfriend you're not needy or desperate, and will give her time to reminisce about the positive aspects of your relationship. The length of this "no contact" phase will vary depending on how long you've been together - if you dated this girl for a year or more, then it's best that you wait at least 30 days.

However, understandably, you may have already reached out to your ex before reading this article. Maybe you told her you missed her... told her you still loved her... maybe you even begged your ex girlfriend to come back to you. These are what we call "weak signals," and they're not good.

If you did send any "weak signals" to your ex, stop now. However, you also don't want to cut off contact with your ex after sending these "weak signals"... that's what she'll remember about you, and she'll spend the "no contact" phase with a weak / needy image of you in her mind. That's not what you want her to remember about you, presumably.

A better way to end communication for a few weeks -- or a good "final message" to send to your ex girlfriend before you stop talking to her for a while -- is to send the opposite vibes: tell her you're actually glad that the two of you broke up, and that it will be a good thing for you to take some time apart. In general, sound positive and upbeat, not depressed and heartbroken.

After sending that positive message, you can then stop talking to your ex for a while (this could be anywhere from 7 days to 2 months depending on the circumstances of your breakup). With the positive message you sent to your ex girlfriend at the top of her mind, she'll start wondering why you were happy about the breakup... and whether she made the right decision ending the relationship.

This is the first step in shifting control of your situation from your ex girlfriend back to you. Eventually, assuming you play your cards right, you will be able to gain complete control of the situation... and make your girlfriend start second-guessing her decision to break up. She may even contact you before you get in touch with her!

If getting back together with her is your goal, then you'll definitely want to be careful when and how you contact your ex. Hopefully this article has provided you with the necessary knowledge to do so.

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How To Get Your Ex Back

So your relationship has ended, but you just can't shake the feeling that your ex is still the one you need to be with. Now you're in the situation of having to win your ex back. This is exciting territory, but if you aren't careful then you might make your chances of getting back together even worse. There are plenty of wrong ways to go about it, but the good news is that there are plenty of right ways too. Here are some of the best tips on how to get your ex back:

1. Avoid becoming obsessive. First of all, there are a few things you want to make sure to avoid. You certainly don't want to come off as obsessive or needy. While you might personally feel assured that you belong back together with your ex right now, you have to remember that your ex might not feel exactly the same way - at least not yet. Be patient and think of this as an opportunity to show how mature you are, not how annoying you can be.

2. Consider how you can change. Before even making a plan, you have to consider why you broke up. Trying to put a bad relationship back together is like trying to make a delicious meal with spoiled ingredients - it just isn't going to work out. You want to seriously think about what you did to contribute to ending the relationship, then make changes. Think of breaking up as a learning opportunity - think about what can you improve about yourself If nothing changes then you'll likely end up with the same result; and don't just make changes for show, actually push yourself to become a better person.

3. Communicate face to face. It's important that your ex is able to see whatever personal changes you make. This is where you talk. Talking with an ex can be intimidating, especially if the relationship ended on bad terms. But if you really want to know how to get your ex back, you have to know how to communicate kindly, clearly, and honestly. No texting, no Facebook messages. Call them and request a short get together, perhaps over some coffee. If you've made changes, make sure that your ex is aware of them. You might even need to put an "I'm sorry" or two into your conversation. Many exes might say, "I'll believe it when I see it." So show them. When your ex sees how different you are, it will prove you're ready for commitment.

4. Make a statement. But true romance, true relationships, don't just magically arise. The magic comes from effort. Find a way to make a statement about how you feel about your ex. Be original and creative, such as serenading them outside of their window, sending them flowers or a gift to their work.

5. Give them what they need. The process might be slow. But be patient. There's no need to text them 300 times a day. You want to make sure that you are giving your ex and yourself exactly what you need. Often, this means a little bit of time and space apart first. You want to give the impression that you're not just jumping into the old relationship, but are ready to begin something fresh, new, and exciting with a person you care about. Remember that there's no single formula on how to get your ex back, but as long as you're caring and improving, you have a great chance of making your ex feel the same way you do.

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The Magic Of Making Up Review - Dud or Stud?

This week I'm going to do a review of The Magic of Making Up which is a hugely popular guide for those who want to get their ex back. I believe it was one of the original ebooks/digital products for sale in this market so it should be best... well let's take a look!

It was created by a man named T W Jackson AKA T Dub and he does genuinely want to help people be happy and get back with their ex but is his passion alone enough of a reason to buy this product? Does it have any substance?

Well the book follows the general 'get your ex back' formula, which I will share with you later. Even though the formula is effective it's important that it gets applied correctly and applied in a way specific to the situational need. This book is aimed at both men and women, which I don't like. There are a lot of similarities between getting an ex boyfriend back and an ex boyfriend back like playing it cool and having the other person chase you but the differences play a significant importance. Obviously there is a huge difference between male and female psychology.

The Clean Slate Method

"Apology is like a scalpel, if used correctly it saves lives, loved ones and can cut away years of damage, but used incorrectly and it swiftly severs the heart from the body PERMANENTLY."

The above is an excerpt from T Dub's book. The Clean Slate Method is based on apologising in the correct way that gives you the power and avoids the unpleasantness that come with a weak apology. This method is actually very powerful. A lot of books recommend the 'no contact' method, which I also recommend, but by using the clean slate method I believe you could cut the number of no contact days in half, this makes it possible to get back with your ex faster.

The apology clears up a lot of the negative emotions you have attached to the break-up and helps you reconcile with a clear head. The guide walks you through the entire process and tells you exactly what to say, how to say it and when.

Does the Magic of Making Up Work?

I guess this is the main question that people really just want answered, is this product worth your money and time? The Clean Slate Method is fairly unique, and worth the cost of the book alone, but the rest of the book contains things that I have seen in lots of other places including the internet (for free!).

There is also an entire section in the eBook about diet... I myself am a rather healthy person and I feel like the pages in this book about foods that you should be eating are a waste of digital paper. The biochemistry generated by those foods is nowhere near powerful enough to play a significant impact on getting your ex back!

I think this is one of the cheaper get your ex back products on the market and yes, it does work and if for some reason it doesn't there is a 60 day money back guarantee.

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Is Clutter Getting in the Way of Your Relationships?

Getting organized can be tedious and overwhelming when you are alone and without support of your partner, family and or roommates, who don't want to be your cohort in the organizing adventure. Organizing a shared space with an unwilling partner can block the road to your organized world.

Most commonly I hear that a spouse, partner, family member or roommate wants to get organized but the other half is just fine in their clutter comfort. This tends to be difficult and worrisome for the person that wants freedom and escape from clutter and disorganization.

Why does clutter come between people? Well some people realize that the outer is a reflection of the inner and want to have an organized system to help them stay focused and productive. Other people push clutter in your face and are just plain old "self-centered". The person creating the disorganization and mess cannot see the demise of their counterpart, and or they thrive on clutter and actually feel comforted.

Are people REALLY comfortable with clutter? Not usually, but on some level if a person grew up in a cluttered environment they may not think twice about living the same way as was their home of origin. Other people who tolerate clutter mayhem well may suffer from mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, ADHD, ADD and or Obsessive Compulsive challenges. The divide, amongst people who share space, in housekeeping styles is what a lot of partnerships fight about. Most people who cohabitate or who share space fight about money, housekeeping, moral issues, how to raise children/pets, and sex (if that is in the equation). Housekeeping, let's face it is tedious, but when clutter has run rampant it may become dangerous, harmful to health and downright unbearable for a person who likes order and neatness. One person may feel like they are king on their "trash" pile and the other a drowning person.

So what to do when two or more people in a space are at odds with each other? Well what most civilized groups tend to do is compromise. But how do you compromise on clutter and chaos? The same way emotionally intelligent people solve conflict, you discuss it, find out what common ground there is (no pun intended) and you make a plan that suits both of you. The best way to discuss a difficult situation is to use assertive language.

Assertive language style goes like this.

YOU: I feel______________(adjective feeling words) i.e. hurt, overwhelmed, confused, disappointed, let down, unheard, stepped on etc... when________________(describe situation) i.e. there are piles of stuff in corners, the garage is overtaken by your unfinished projects, when I can't see the countertop, when dishes are left in the sink, when the house if not kept up etc... and then the finale... _______________________(validation, so they hear the feelings) i.e. and I love you so much, and you are such a great partner, and so creative and so loveable and I appreciate this and that about you, you're a fun roommate etc...

The reason for the switch from the "I feel" statement and the "situation" statement to the sweet "validation" statement is that ideally the other person will hear your feelings and respond accordingly. There are no guarantees if you become highly assertive the other person will respond appropriately. That doesn't mean that you lower your communication style, becoming aggressive, passive aggressive or passive, it just means you will probably have to learn how to have rules about your world and boundaries to protect it.

When you discuss situations that bring on contention between you and others, in an assertive manner, you will feel more confident and justified in your approach, and also create expectations for an assertive response. When the other person comes back at you with aggression, passive aggressive stances, and or ignores you and you feel defeated keep going with the above assertive language. If the other person continues to use a non-assertive method of communication even though you have shared deep and dark feelings, and have validated them, it is time to realize they do not care about your feelings and or to work on a better partnership. Your next step may be to seek counseling, individual and or family, get coaching with an experienced life coach or take a break from the situation through separation until the other person will hear you, and make the necessary changes for the partnership to resume comfortably for both of you.

Remember when you share space... the meaning of share is important!

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A Complete Strategic Overview On How To Get An Ex Girlfriend Back

I feel very bored and frustrated at the minute with the amount of crap on the internet surrounding this topic. I feel like marketers and other people out there are just trying to make a quick buck at your expense. Some of those 'Get your ex back' guides do work but they are all loosely based on the same theme and share a similar structure. I'm going to reveal that structure to you in this article. Why? I guess in a selfish way I want to feel good. If you read this article and act on this information and have success and tell me about that success I will feel great.

BIG SECRET - It's impossible for anyone to guarantee you that you can get your ex back. Yes, a lot of these ebooks do offer 60 day money back guarantees but even the authors know that the chances of you actually getting your ex girlfriend back are not great. They will refund you, but I just wanted to let you know that there is no magic bullet for getting your ex girlfriend back. The entire process is long and difficult.

I can only write so much in an article about getting your ex back so I'm just going to give you a quick overview.

Every get your ex back product is broken down in to essentially 3 basic components which I like to call Back To Neutral, Moving Forward and Advanced Position.

Back To Neutral - This step is about getting rid of your negative emotions. Emotions are much more powerful than logic and it completely messes up our ability to make good decisions. Logically, we know that it's not a good idea to call our ex and confess our love but sometimes, even as men, we get emotionally overwhelmed. I'm definitely guilty of making these stupid mistakes! So in order for us to succeed as men and in life we need to have our emotions under control. We need to eliminate negative thoughts we may have about ourselves, women or even people in general that we may have picked up during the dark breakup period. There are various psychologically techniques and physiological exercises you can use to deal with these negative emotions.

Moving Forward - Once we have dealt with the negative demons inside us it's time to start striving to become a better, more interesting and attractive man. You need to focus your energy on YOU during this phase. Spend time with friends, family, take up a hobby and do cool interesting things. Decide on what kind of man you want to become and start working towards being that man. Think of good male role models you can emulate. Tony Robbins and David DeAngelo(Eben Pagan) are just 2 examples my role models. They are financially successful, great with women and these men really have their lives sorted.

Advanced Position - At this stage you should have eliminated the negative demons, be on the path to becoming a better man and therefore in a great position to get your ex back if you choose to try. Success of course is not guaranteed because people have free will but if you went through each of these phases you will have grown into a great man... the kind of man all women are attracted to and your ex is no exception.

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Should I Get Back With My Ex Girlfriend Or Move On?

After a breakup men can find themselves going through phases of being unsure as to whether or not they should get back with their ex. It's a horrible dilemma, on the one hand you and your ex girlfriend have known each other for a long time and shared many great memories together and you don't want to throw all that away. On the other hand, however, your relationship with her failed before and this means there was problems. So is it worthwhile trying to fix all the previous problems or is it best just to start over with another woman?

Before you make your decision it's important for you to be clear on what you want. Now is not the time to let your emotions lead you as this decision will hugely affect your life.

There are just two things you need consider to make a decision about whether you should get back with your ex girlfriend or just move on:

#1 Did either of you cheat?

This is extremely important. If neither of you cheated then that's great, you can skip ahead to item number 2. I have a rule about cheating - once a cheat always a cheat. If she cheated on you and you take her back then don't be surprised if she does it again. Some people, women included, have a propensity to cheat. There is not a lot you can do about that. Some women will cheat if they are very unhappy in their relationship, some will cheat if the opportunity simply arises and some will never cheat. My advice is if she cheated then you should start looking for a higher quality, more trustworthy girlfriend.

If you cheated then you need figure out why? Was it a drunken mistake or an on going thing. If you truly cared about her and you had a good relationship then I doubt you would of cheated. If you really are, in your heart of hearts, sorry for what you did then perhaps she can see past that but it's a huge up hill struggle because their will be severe trust issues.

#2 Do you want her back because you love her or just to heal your pain?

The reason you are asking 'Should I get back with my ex girlfriend or move on?' is because their is conflict inside you on what you really want. Perhaps you are just looking to heal your pain of being dumped by getting her back or perhaps you feel like getting her back will help you reclaim your identity or maybe, just maybe, you do really love her.

Take time to make this decision. You should be going through the 30 day no contact rule to help you focus on what you really want from life. If you decide she is the love of your life and you want her back then your decision is already made and there will be no dilemma. At this stage you just need an effective strategy to win her back.

Don't get back with her just to make yourself feel better, it's a short time fix that will just leave BOTH of you more wounded in the end.

The most important thing for you to do now is take your time, this is a life changing decision. Remember if either of you cheated then you should move on with your life especially if she cheated.