If I Were A Girl

As a Man, here are 43 things I would not do in my relationship, if I were a girl...

(1) Unnecessarily delay saying 'yes' when I feel the same about him.

(2) Try-out dating. Why smell what I won't eat?

(3) Be too demanding. Consideration is such a vital key.

(4) Love him for "what he is". It'd rather be for "who he is".

(5) Show-off to him or show-him-off to people.

(6) Keep close contacts and links with my ex(s). This may not be an issue when there is trust, but I personally don't think it's healthy for a relationship.

(7) Hesitate to watchfully and prayerfully choose my friends. Even the few I choose shouldn't know too much about what I share with him. Evil Communication corrupts good manner.

(8) Place my friends' advice/opinion above his, shun his own and listen to theirs.

(9) Say "I love him" when I don't.

(10) Refuse to say it when I really do.

(11) Struggle to be like him. A Real Man values his woman best for ways she's different.

(12) Question his authority/right to take the lead. My only duty is to follow. 'Cause it takes as much strength to follow, as it takes to lead. That in any way does not imply that I cannot register my opinion; it only means I cannot enforce it.

(13) Compete with him rather than complete him.

(14) Challenge his manhood. Since it is so actively done everywhere else, my arms should be a home of solace where he comes to find peace of mind that is usually not readily available to him out there.

(15) Discuss his weaknesses with my friends and family. That would amount to selling his honour and respect. NOBODY will respect my man beyond the one I give him in their presence.

(16) Spend time trying to understand men; I only need to understand my man.

(17) Refuse to "hold his hand" in public (A figurative expression that simply implies that I am proud of him anywhere, anytime). I don't care who's watching, he's all mine and I'm all his.

(18) Make "my wooers" an important topic to discuss with him.

(19) Make "sex denial" the way to get back at him because he has hurt me so bad.

(20) Take an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Folly pays back with the same coin.

(21) Compare him with any other man, not to his face and not behind his back.

(22) Consciously misbehave to prove my worth to him. In quietness lies a woman's strength. If he is the right man for me, he won't take my submission for granted.

(23) Consider "break-up" an option when we disagree. Good Men are scarce, so if I have found one, I should disagree to agree with him.

(24) Think he is weak because he is in love with/obsessed about me. Experience has thought me that there is only one short step between love and hate, as there is between life and death.

(25) Make just one day our "valentine". Everyday of the relationship should be.

(26) Keep secrets. True love is naked and not ashamed.

(27) Ask "what is wrong with him" more often than "what is wrong with me".

(28) Make decisions that only gratify me. I have to satisfy him too. Nothing kills a good man faster than loving a self-centred woman.

(29) Sacrifice being loved for being right.

(30) Let my attitude and entire personality project an "I will find a bigger and better guy by tomorrow if you leave me today" message.

(31) Make very little space for him in my life. Place him so low on my list of priorities that his interest wanes.

(32) Be too busy to make him a home-cooked meal; the hands that feed a Man sticks to his heart.

(33) Refuse to be a listening ear for his concern because I am so occupied with my own.

(34) Be so good to other people at his expense. What will it profit a woman who gains the world and loses her man?

(35) Abandon home for too long in the pursuit of too many high goals, especially when the kids are still very young. If my man is always out there working and he effectively carries out his duty of providing all the family needs, I think he needs me more to help him build his children and the home.

(36) Fight him in public or on the home front. He needs a lover not a fighter.

(37) Doubt his words? Never! There is no love without trust.

(38) Be comfortable with late-night, Pinot Grigio-fuelled calls and text messages from any other guy. Trust is not automatic, it is worked for, earned, proven; and it grows with time and situations.

(39) Be ALL OVER HIM while he is so busy at work or anywhere else... that he can barely breathe or think straight. An interfering wife can sometimes be too irritating.

(40) Nag over every little thing. If you want to get your own way ask him nicely. Nagging can create unwanted rift or can make things worse between the two of you.

(41) Stick with the guy who takes me for granted. If I have worked well to earn Respect and I don't get it, then he doesn't deserve me.

(42) Lean on my own understanding when he's no more the guy I used to know. There's a God up there who vindicates. Wisdom, alone, is profitable to direct.

(43) Read this piece and say "hey, Olaotan, you can never understand what or how it feels to be a girl 'cause you are not and can never be one". Well, I totally admit. But at least, I know what they do and don't do that I am not and can never be pleased with. And on that note, I can come up with a few of them, hoping that somebody will read it and change her ways.

When Should You Contact Your Ex Girlfriend After a Breakup?

If you want to get your ex girlfriend back in your life, you need to be careful about when and how you contact her. As you may have read elsewhere, many relationship gurus encourage you not to contact your ex for a period of time after breaking up. This is often referred to as the "no contact" period.

Now, that's definitely true -- you don't want to be pestering your ex girlfriend with endless calls or texts -- so you should give your ex space for a few weeks after a breakup. This helps show your ex girlfriend you're not needy or desperate, and will give her time to reminisce about the positive aspects of your relationship. The length of this "no contact" phase will vary depending on how long you've been together - if you dated this girl for a year or more, then it's best that you wait at least 30 days.

However, understandably, you may have already reached out to your ex before reading this article. Maybe you told her you missed her... told her you still loved her... maybe you even begged your ex girlfriend to come back to you. These are what we call "weak signals," and they're not good.

If you did send any "weak signals" to your ex, stop now. However, you also don't want to cut off contact with your ex after sending these "weak signals"... that's what she'll remember about you, and she'll spend the "no contact" phase with a weak / needy image of you in her mind. That's not what you want her to remember about you, presumably.

A better way to end communication for a few weeks -- or a good "final message" to send to your ex girlfriend before you stop talking to her for a while -- is to send the opposite vibes: tell her you're actually glad that the two of you broke up, and that it will be a good thing for you to take some time apart. In general, sound positive and upbeat, not depressed and heartbroken.

After sending that positive message, you can then stop talking to your ex for a while (this could be anywhere from 7 days to 2 months depending on the circumstances of your breakup). With the positive message you sent to your ex girlfriend at the top of her mind, she'll start wondering why you were happy about the breakup... and whether she made the right decision ending the relationship.

This is the first step in shifting control of your situation from your ex girlfriend back to you. Eventually, assuming you play your cards right, you will be able to gain complete control of the situation... and make your girlfriend start second-guessing her decision to break up. She may even contact you before you get in touch with her!

If getting back together with her is your goal, then you'll definitely want to be careful when and how you contact your ex. Hopefully this article has provided you with the necessary knowledge to do so.

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How To Get Your Ex Back

So your relationship has ended, but you just can't shake the feeling that your ex is still the one you need to be with. Now you're in the situation of having to win your ex back. This is exciting territory, but if you aren't careful then you might make your chances of getting back together even worse. There are plenty of wrong ways to go about it, but the good news is that there are plenty of right ways too. Here are some of the best tips on how to get your ex back:

1. Avoid becoming obsessive. First of all, there are a few things you want to make sure to avoid. You certainly don't want to come off as obsessive or needy. While you might personally feel assured that you belong back together with your ex right now, you have to remember that your ex might not feel exactly the same way - at least not yet. Be patient and think of this as an opportunity to show how mature you are, not how annoying you can be.

2. Consider how you can change. Before even making a plan, you have to consider why you broke up. Trying to put a bad relationship back together is like trying to make a delicious meal with spoiled ingredients - it just isn't going to work out. You want to seriously think about what you did to contribute to ending the relationship, then make changes. Think of breaking up as a learning opportunity - think about what can you improve about yourself If nothing changes then you'll likely end up with the same result; and don't just make changes for show, actually push yourself to become a better person.

3. Communicate face to face. It's important that your ex is able to see whatever personal changes you make. This is where you talk. Talking with an ex can be intimidating, especially if the relationship ended on bad terms. But if you really want to know how to get your ex back, you have to know how to communicate kindly, clearly, and honestly. No texting, no Facebook messages. Call them and request a short get together, perhaps over some coffee. If you've made changes, make sure that your ex is aware of them. You might even need to put an "I'm sorry" or two into your conversation. Many exes might say, "I'll believe it when I see it." So show them. When your ex sees how different you are, it will prove you're ready for commitment.

4. Make a statement. But true romance, true relationships, don't just magically arise. The magic comes from effort. Find a way to make a statement about how you feel about your ex. Be original and creative, such as serenading them outside of their window, sending them flowers or a gift to their work.

5. Give them what they need. The process might be slow. But be patient. There's no need to text them 300 times a day. You want to make sure that you are giving your ex and yourself exactly what you need. Often, this means a little bit of time and space apart first. You want to give the impression that you're not just jumping into the old relationship, but are ready to begin something fresh, new, and exciting with a person you care about. Remember that there's no single formula on how to get your ex back, but as long as you're caring and improving, you have a great chance of making your ex feel the same way you do.

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The Magic Of Making Up Review - Dud or Stud?

This week I'm going to do a review of The Magic of Making Up which is a hugely popular guide for those who want to get their ex back. I believe it was one of the original ebooks/digital products for sale in this market so it should be best... well let's take a look!

It was created by a man named T W Jackson AKA T Dub and he does genuinely want to help people be happy and get back with their ex but is his passion alone enough of a reason to buy this product? Does it have any substance?

Well the book follows the general 'get your ex back' formula, which I will share with you later. Even though the formula is effective it's important that it gets applied correctly and applied in a way specific to the situational need. This book is aimed at both men and women, which I don't like. There are a lot of similarities between getting an ex boyfriend back and an ex boyfriend back like playing it cool and having the other person chase you but the differences play a significant importance. Obviously there is a huge difference between male and female psychology.

The Clean Slate Method

"Apology is like a scalpel, if used correctly it saves lives, loved ones and can cut away years of damage, but used incorrectly and it swiftly severs the heart from the body PERMANENTLY."

The above is an excerpt from T Dub's book. The Clean Slate Method is based on apologising in the correct way that gives you the power and avoids the unpleasantness that come with a weak apology. This method is actually very powerful. A lot of books recommend the 'no contact' method, which I also recommend, but by using the clean slate method I believe you could cut the number of no contact days in half, this makes it possible to get back with your ex faster.

The apology clears up a lot of the negative emotions you have attached to the break-up and helps you reconcile with a clear head. The guide walks you through the entire process and tells you exactly what to say, how to say it and when.

Does the Magic of Making Up Work?

I guess this is the main question that people really just want answered, is this product worth your money and time? The Clean Slate Method is fairly unique, and worth the cost of the book alone, but the rest of the book contains things that I have seen in lots of other places including the internet (for free!).

There is also an entire section in the eBook about diet... I myself am a rather healthy person and I feel like the pages in this book about foods that you should be eating are a waste of digital paper. The biochemistry generated by those foods is nowhere near powerful enough to play a significant impact on getting your ex back!

I think this is one of the cheaper get your ex back products on the market and yes, it does work and if for some reason it doesn't there is a 60 day money back guarantee.

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Is Clutter Getting in the Way of Your Relationships?

Getting organized can be tedious and overwhelming when you are alone and without support of your partner, family and or roommates, who don't want to be your cohort in the organizing adventure. Organizing a shared space with an unwilling partner can block the road to your organized world.

Most commonly I hear that a spouse, partner, family member or roommate wants to get organized but the other half is just fine in their clutter comfort. This tends to be difficult and worrisome for the person that wants freedom and escape from clutter and disorganization.

Why does clutter come between people? Well some people realize that the outer is a reflection of the inner and want to have an organized system to help them stay focused and productive. Other people push clutter in your face and are just plain old "self-centered". The person creating the disorganization and mess cannot see the demise of their counterpart, and or they thrive on clutter and actually feel comforted.

Are people REALLY comfortable with clutter? Not usually, but on some level if a person grew up in a cluttered environment they may not think twice about living the same way as was their home of origin. Other people who tolerate clutter mayhem well may suffer from mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, ADHD, ADD and or Obsessive Compulsive challenges. The divide, amongst people who share space, in housekeeping styles is what a lot of partnerships fight about. Most people who cohabitate or who share space fight about money, housekeeping, moral issues, how to raise children/pets, and sex (if that is in the equation). Housekeeping, let's face it is tedious, but when clutter has run rampant it may become dangerous, harmful to health and downright unbearable for a person who likes order and neatness. One person may feel like they are king on their "trash" pile and the other a drowning person.

So what to do when two or more people in a space are at odds with each other? Well what most civilized groups tend to do is compromise. But how do you compromise on clutter and chaos? The same way emotionally intelligent people solve conflict, you discuss it, find out what common ground there is (no pun intended) and you make a plan that suits both of you. The best way to discuss a difficult situation is to use assertive language.

Assertive language style goes like this.

YOU: I feel______________(adjective feeling words) i.e. hurt, overwhelmed, confused, disappointed, let down, unheard, stepped on etc... when________________(describe situation) i.e. there are piles of stuff in corners, the garage is overtaken by your unfinished projects, when I can't see the countertop, when dishes are left in the sink, when the house if not kept up etc... and then the finale... _______________________(validation, so they hear the feelings) i.e. and I love you so much, and you are such a great partner, and so creative and so loveable and I appreciate this and that about you, you're a fun roommate etc...

The reason for the switch from the "I feel" statement and the "situation" statement to the sweet "validation" statement is that ideally the other person will hear your feelings and respond accordingly. There are no guarantees if you become highly assertive the other person will respond appropriately. That doesn't mean that you lower your communication style, becoming aggressive, passive aggressive or passive, it just means you will probably have to learn how to have rules about your world and boundaries to protect it.

When you discuss situations that bring on contention between you and others, in an assertive manner, you will feel more confident and justified in your approach, and also create expectations for an assertive response. When the other person comes back at you with aggression, passive aggressive stances, and or ignores you and you feel defeated keep going with the above assertive language. If the other person continues to use a non-assertive method of communication even though you have shared deep and dark feelings, and have validated them, it is time to realize they do not care about your feelings and or to work on a better partnership. Your next step may be to seek counseling, individual and or family, get coaching with an experienced life coach or take a break from the situation through separation until the other person will hear you, and make the necessary changes for the partnership to resume comfortably for both of you.

Remember when you share space... the meaning of share is important!

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A Complete Strategic Overview On How To Get An Ex Girlfriend Back

I feel very bored and frustrated at the minute with the amount of crap on the internet surrounding this topic. I feel like marketers and other people out there are just trying to make a quick buck at your expense. Some of those 'Get your ex back' guides do work but they are all loosely based on the same theme and share a similar structure. I'm going to reveal that structure to you in this article. Why? I guess in a selfish way I want to feel good. If you read this article and act on this information and have success and tell me about that success I will feel great.

BIG SECRET - It's impossible for anyone to guarantee you that you can get your ex back. Yes, a lot of these ebooks do offer 60 day money back guarantees but even the authors know that the chances of you actually getting your ex girlfriend back are not great. They will refund you, but I just wanted to let you know that there is no magic bullet for getting your ex girlfriend back. The entire process is long and difficult.

I can only write so much in an article about getting your ex back so I'm just going to give you a quick overview.

Every get your ex back product is broken down in to essentially 3 basic components which I like to call Back To Neutral, Moving Forward and Advanced Position.

Back To Neutral - This step is about getting rid of your negative emotions. Emotions are much more powerful than logic and it completely messes up our ability to make good decisions. Logically, we know that it's not a good idea to call our ex and confess our love but sometimes, even as men, we get emotionally overwhelmed. I'm definitely guilty of making these stupid mistakes! So in order for us to succeed as men and in life we need to have our emotions under control. We need to eliminate negative thoughts we may have about ourselves, women or even people in general that we may have picked up during the dark breakup period. There are various psychologically techniques and physiological exercises you can use to deal with these negative emotions.

Moving Forward - Once we have dealt with the negative demons inside us it's time to start striving to become a better, more interesting and attractive man. You need to focus your energy on YOU during this phase. Spend time with friends, family, take up a hobby and do cool interesting things. Decide on what kind of man you want to become and start working towards being that man. Think of good male role models you can emulate. Tony Robbins and David DeAngelo(Eben Pagan) are just 2 examples my role models. They are financially successful, great with women and these men really have their lives sorted.

Advanced Position - At this stage you should have eliminated the negative demons, be on the path to becoming a better man and therefore in a great position to get your ex back if you choose to try. Success of course is not guaranteed because people have free will but if you went through each of these phases you will have grown into a great man... the kind of man all women are attracted to and your ex is no exception.

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Should I Get Back With My Ex Girlfriend Or Move On?

After a breakup men can find themselves going through phases of being unsure as to whether or not they should get back with their ex. It's a horrible dilemma, on the one hand you and your ex girlfriend have known each other for a long time and shared many great memories together and you don't want to throw all that away. On the other hand, however, your relationship with her failed before and this means there was problems. So is it worthwhile trying to fix all the previous problems or is it best just to start over with another woman?

Before you make your decision it's important for you to be clear on what you want. Now is not the time to let your emotions lead you as this decision will hugely affect your life.

There are just two things you need consider to make a decision about whether you should get back with your ex girlfriend or just move on:

#1 Did either of you cheat?

This is extremely important. If neither of you cheated then that's great, you can skip ahead to item number 2. I have a rule about cheating - once a cheat always a cheat. If she cheated on you and you take her back then don't be surprised if she does it again. Some people, women included, have a propensity to cheat. There is not a lot you can do about that. Some women will cheat if they are very unhappy in their relationship, some will cheat if the opportunity simply arises and some will never cheat. My advice is if she cheated then you should start looking for a higher quality, more trustworthy girlfriend.

If you cheated then you need figure out why? Was it a drunken mistake or an on going thing. If you truly cared about her and you had a good relationship then I doubt you would of cheated. If you really are, in your heart of hearts, sorry for what you did then perhaps she can see past that but it's a huge up hill struggle because their will be severe trust issues.

#2 Do you want her back because you love her or just to heal your pain?

The reason you are asking 'Should I get back with my ex girlfriend or move on?' is because their is conflict inside you on what you really want. Perhaps you are just looking to heal your pain of being dumped by getting her back or perhaps you feel like getting her back will help you reclaim your identity or maybe, just maybe, you do really love her.

Take time to make this decision. You should be going through the 30 day no contact rule to help you focus on what you really want from life. If you decide she is the love of your life and you want her back then your decision is already made and there will be no dilemma. At this stage you just need an effective strategy to win her back.

Don't get back with her just to make yourself feel better, it's a short time fix that will just leave BOTH of you more wounded in the end.

The most important thing for you to do now is take your time, this is a life changing decision. Remember if either of you cheated then you should move on with your life especially if she cheated.

Why the United States Foreign Policy Is Similar To Your Relationship Issues

Anyone with the ability to think things through can work out that the United States needs to lessen its dependence on oil and build up its ability to survive without relying upon hostile friendships.

Anyone with an ounce of objectivity knows that the United States should never have entered Afghanistan or Iraq - and they know that the only reason these wars have prevailed is because of a desperation to control the flow of oil combined with a necessity to control the region in order to sustain the American and European way of greed, I mean life.

Why am I talking about TROOP WITHDRAWAL?

Because it can be related to relationships, of course.

Many relationships are sustained out of desperation.

Many relationships survive through a hostile friendship.

These relationships are uncomfortable and painful for the participants, yet the participants do not end the relationship because they cannot be objective about their situation... Much like the USA cannot be objective about their greed and their need for the oil of the Middle East and beyond.

If we are objective about our situation we can make far better decisions.

For example - if the USA could see that they are involved in a bad relationship with the Middle East, then they might make better decisions about their energy consumption.

Just as the wife who is being verbally abused, or the husband who is abusing, might make better decisions if they were objective about their situation.

Sustaining the status quo out of fear is the wrong thing to do.

Accepting the status quo because that is how it has always been is lazy and stupid.

Allowing a bad relationship to continue because you refuse to stand up and do the right thing is an outrage (to you and to those you love).

It is very easy to see where others are making mistakes because we are removed from the situation and therefore we are objective.

It is not so easy to see where we are making fundamental mistakes when we are being subjective about the situation - we are only seeing it from our point of view.

The abused wife only sees that her husband provides financial security (she does not see that she is ruining her children's lives in the process), and the husband who abuses does not see the stress that his anger puts on himself and those around him, he simply relishes the power he wields.

The Middle East uses the USA for financial gain whilst being militarily and politically abused by a nation that has forgotten how much stress their power and control has placed upon its own population (with extreme debt and international bad-blood circling all around).

The TROOP WITHDRAWAL by the USA from Iraq will immediately lessen the financial burden, and will ultimately lead to the USA being viewed in a more favorable light by requiring the USA to create and sustain their own forms of energy and power.

If you are involved in a bad relationship, whether you are the abused or the abuser, it is time for you to enact your own TROOP WITHDRAWAL (for both of your sake's, and for the sake of your children).

By changing the playing field, by changing the players in the game, by trying something different, you will improve your life and the lives of those you are responsible for.

Either way, stand up and fight for yourself, and stop fighting against somebody else.

By extricating yourself from the situation you change the relationship for the better.

Extricate yourself from a bad situation and work out a better way to live.

The USA needs to learn the lesson - they need to stop waging wars in regions they are beholden to for all the wrong reasons, and they need to re-think their game plan on energy consumption.

Couples in bad relationships need to learn the lessons and stop repeating the same mistakes - they need to make sure that they do not allow bad relationships to continue in their life.

If you need to fight to get what you want, then you are in the wrong relationship.

I'm already against the next war.

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How to Fix a Relationship and Get an Ex Back

Wondering how to fix a relationship and get an ex back is a vital question after bearing in mind the limited amount of time on your side. Telling your ex that you are different, will give them the world and things will be different is not going to be successful because actions speak louder than words. What is different now? What do you have to offer your ex that you weren't able to before? Isn't loving them good enough? In order to know how to fix a relationship to get an ex back there are lots of factors that need to be thought out.

Worrying that your ex might run off with somebody else is also a major concern and that is why you want to act without delay. Apply caution in the actions you take because appearing desperate is a major turn off. The first suggestion on how to fix a relationship and get an ex back is to make yourself scarce. Steer clear of being readily available to your ex. As challenging as it might be right now to bare the truth that your life is detached from theirs right now. At this point you ought to start enjoying life and going out. Waiting around for your ex to contact you is not an option. As soon as you are no longer waiting around for them it will amaze you how fast things begin changing.

Spending your time thinking about all the things that went amiss as well as what could have been done different will drive yourself crazy. Dwelling on the past does not amend the circumstances you are facing right now. The inevitable aspect of life is that change is a sure thing. Holding onto nonconstructive thoughts and feelings prevents your ex from falling in love with you so it is necessary to let go of the past. Taking this action will not only lift a huge weight off of you but also bring out the person your ex fell in love with.

In the start of your relationship it was effortless to feel good which brought out the best in you. Go over all the things that make you feel good. Once you have discovered what makes you feel good it will be easier to be in a situation to get an ex back. When you are enjoying life by feeling good it will pull people toward you which is an exceptional place to be in when wanting to know how to fix a relationship.

Will Texting Your Ex Boyfriend Help You Win Him Back?

Text messaging has become such an important and powerful tool in communication that people now use it in every way possible. After all, a few button pushes are all that is needed to maximize its power and it can be used to exchange mundane stories or convey emotions in no time. It may even make you believe that texting your ex boyfriend can help you win him back. Most relationship experts will disagree with you on that, though.

However, although it is true that you should not text your ex boyfriend immediately after a breakup, completely ignoring him will not help you, either. So, before you lose hope, believe that there is a way around the rule imposed by these relationship gurus.

Texting your ex boyfriend after a breakup isn't completely bad. It's just a matter of how or what you send to him. Simply put, if you send him the wrong messages, he may shut the door on you and your chances of winning him back.

Generic texts like "How are you?" or "What's up?", which are also called "nothing text messages", won't increase your chances of getting your ex-boyfriend back, for example. They're bland and boring and lack essence, so steer clear of them.

Instead, use the good points of texting to your advantage. Since text messages aren't obtrusive, in general, your ex boyfriend will not feel cornered whenever you send him one. Text messages are also very personal and don't require immediate responses the way that calls do, so you and your ex have time to think before typing. This, in turn, provides an avenue for both of you to convey your feelings properly. Thoughts expressed through text are much clearer, too, allowing both of you to rebuild your failed relationship at a steady pace.

Besides, women tend to fail at talking to their ex boyfriends and find it easier to just text. Plus, it's agonizing to wait for a phone call from an ex, and texting your ex boyfriend becomes a better option because, even if he doesn't reply, chances are he will read your message. He may ignore phone calls, but he cannot ignore a text message that lands in his inbox.

Yes, as long as you are cautious when texting your ex boyfriend, you can reconnect with him and even build a future with him through it. You just have to find the right approach to get him to where you want him to be.

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Prayer and the Miracle of Forgiveness

Those doubting the power in forgiveness will doubt we have achieved it. This should not trouble or dismay us. These people who doubt probably don't know from whose Hand this miracle of forgiveness is from. If they did, they would not doubt. They would instead partake of this cherished blossom for replete good.

Forgiveness in its complete sense is a miracle of God. When no pain remains where there once was, all we can credit for it is sight: we see this situation as God sees it.

PORTRAYING THE FELT EXPERIENCE OF FORGIVENESS

How might forgiveness be experienced other than felt? Some might ask, "Has the hurt been driven deeply down, and inaccessible, to the psyche?" "Is it now unconscious to them?"

For us who partake in the miracle of forgiveness it seems irrelevant in the moment, other than to venture curiously, when we have the time, in addressing the question. We have no reason to doubt the miracle.

All we know is this felt sense of harmony is real, and it comes with no effort on our parts, and we can just know it is not entirely of us. We cannot take credit other than to thank God for the wisdom of faith in this situation.

When we feel not a shred of vengeance towards someone who has hurt us, and we may see with the eyes of our heart their hurt that propelled them to hurt us, we have been gifted, miraculously, the sight of God.

We cannot put a price on this sense of felt experience. All we wanted was to not feel hurt any more. And that is exactly what we feel now. The hurt is gone, though the memory remains. Through prayer God has caused a change in our hearts. Through prayer we have been healed.

THE MIRACULOUS HEALING OF FORGIVENESS

Healing is such a necessary function enabling life. Whether it is physical healing or spiritual healing we are desperate for it when we need it.

But in our desperation we can end up doing the very things that prove as barriers for healing. Desperation breeds frustration. After a while we begin to insist that God would heal us.

But miracles don't work that way.

Then when we pray and leave our healing to God, regarding the felt experience of forgiveness, God begins to work in the situation in a multiplicity of ways. He works supernaturally, within our unconscious minds, and within our hearts too. God is working in the heart of the other person as well. There are many more dimensions than these four.

How forgiveness works is a mystery, but it is assisted never more than via our faithfulness. The vehicle to faithfulness that augments the miracle is prayer.

When we do all we can to reconcile our hearts and our thinking we open every door and remove every barrier, on our side, to restore hope that the relationship would experience feelings of love once more.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

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My Boyfriend Can't Handle My Past! How to Deal With This Effectively

Unfortunately, not many of us go into our lifelong romantic relationship without some sort of past. It's inevitable that eventually a discussion will occur in which both you and the man you adore will confess your deepest, darkest, past relationship secrets. Even though any other entanglements happened before you two met, they can still cause a lot of conflict in the present. Such is the case with a man who just can't seem to get over the reality that his girlfriend had boyfriends before him. If your man can't handle the fact that you do have a past, you're facing an uphill battle. Once you confess your past sins to him you obviously can't take them back. However, there are things you can do to effectively undo the damage you've already done and get him to see beyond what you did before you met him. Getting your man to focus on the here and now is truly the key to accomplishing this.

Make Certain He Knows That What You Feel For Him is Different

It's impossible to know how much is too much to tell about your past. In most relationships we strive for full disclosure. We want the connection to be based on honesty and that includes frankness about any relationships that may have been significant that happened in the past.

However, you can never really know for certain how your man will eventually react to the news that you were involved with other men before him. Some guys take the information in stride and never give it a second thought, others allow the details to fester in their emotional core and it quickly becomes a source of unending conflict between the couple.

You can typically tell if your man is bothered by the news that you have indeed had a past before him. He'll ask countless questions about your former lovers and he may even ask you to compare him to them. If this does indeed happen you must be very clear with your boyfriend that he is the only man you have ever felt so close to. You must make a point of expressing to him that you believe the connection you two share surpasses anything you had in the past. Make certain that your boyfriend understands that you feel that any experiences you may have had before meeting him were only to fill in your time until he walked into your life. Ensure he feels very special.

Encourage Him to Focus on The Present and The Future

If your boyfriend repeatedly wants to talk about your past relationships, switch the conversation to what you want to do now and tomorrow with him. Some men become so fixated on their girlfriend's past that they can't enjoy what is happening between them right now in the moment. You have to be the one to guide your man towards this enlightenment and you can do that by creating new experiences for both of you. Each and every time you say to your boyfriend, "I've never done that before," he'll feel he's embarking on a new adventure that you're only going to share with him. It doesn't matter if it's rock climbing or trying a new restaurant. The focus should be on creating new memories that only involve the two of you.

It's also wise to gently tell him that you can't change your past and that he needs to let it rest so it doesn't create an enormous divide between the two of you. He may feel unable or unwilling to do that but it's important that you stress to him that unless he does, the relationship can't move forward.

Realize That His Insecurities Are Driving His Behavior

When a man asks a woman about her past, he's typically doing so with an expectation that he'll be able to handle whatever she shares. If the information reaches beyond the scope of what he expected to hear, it may push some vulnerability buttons within his ego.

Even if your other experiences were years and years ago, your man may take them as a personal challenge. He may wonder what you saw in other men and he may also take on the unreal idea that you should have waited for someone like him, or him, in particular.

If he asked about your past and you shared what you felt was appropriate in an honest and compassionate way, you can't possibly control his reaction. You are not responsible for his bruised or threatened ego. You can't carry with you the guilt that your confession changed the relationship. If your connection falters because of your honesty, that's a clear indicator that your man's ego matters more to him than honesty between you two.

There may come a point when you have to decide if you want to continue defending your past choices as you're trying to build a new and meaningful connection with a man who seems stuck on your past. It's important to remember that regardless of how much he may wish you could change your past, you can't. If he can't accept the woman you are now, including who you were in the past, that may be a sticking point you two can't get past.

Getting Back With Your Ex Boyfriend - The Answer Lies in Text Messaging

Text messaging can be a double-edged sword. It could be the answer to reconnecting and getting back with your ex boyfriend or it could also be a deterrent and send your ex farther than when it began. Therefore, caution should always be exercised when using SMS in attempting to revive the relationship.

Don't get too excited though, there are 3 questions you will need to think about before getting back with your ex by pressing "Send".

1st Question:

"What are the reasons I want to get back together with this person?"

Before you pick up your phone and type away your SMS, give this some thought. There are a myriad of reasons why people want to get back in a relationship that's already ended. It could be as simple as missing the company of the person, longing for the affection that isn't there anymore, or genuinely loving the person enough to want them to return to your life.

Sometimes, though, some of the reasons are quite shallow. If you're thinking that not being in a relationship makes you a "lesser" person, and if you're using that same reasoning to justify getting back with your ex boyfriend, then stop and think for a second! A relationship that's ended doesn't mean the end of the world for you - and not enough of a reason to want to have the person back.

2nd Question:

"It's a process. Do I have what it takes to get through it?"

Know that simply texting a person and following through on the process to get someone back in a relationship could go either way. Upon receiving the text, some people who are led by their emotions would see it as a sign of affection and would possibly react positively. Others, though, could see the text as a turn-off as it would seem nagging. The truth is: there is no sure way to predict how the whole process will turn out.

3rd Question:

"What do I want to achieve in the end?"

Wanting to get back in a relationship doesn't end with you communicating through text and possibly getting back with your ex boyfriend. There are deeper things to consider, such as why the relationship failed in the first place. If your mind isn't set on making things right or changing whatever made the relationship break down, then it will inevitably end up failing again. Think about it.

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Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back Through a Text Message

Getting your ex boyfriend back after a tough breakup can be a tad difficult. The situation isn't totally hopeless, though, because you can still get him back. How? Read on.

1. Do not waste your ex boyfriend's time by sending him a bunch of pointless text messages.

Sending him generic text messages like "Hi" or "What's up?" won't give you the assurance that he'd reply. These may be effective conversation starters when used on other people, but not with an ex. So just save it because it won't help you in winning him back.

2. If you have bitterness against your ex, keep it to yourself.

Breakups are never pretty and one is bound to carry some bitterness afterwards. If you're the one with the grudge, don't lash it out on your ex boyfriend or blame him for how your relationship ended, though. He has committed mistakes, but so have you. Let it go.

3. Do not start a fight with your ex boyfriend through text.

If your agenda involves getting your ex boyfriend back, then don't give him more reasons to hate you; only send him happy thoughts. If you've got nothing nice to say to him, don't text him at all.

4. Avoid coming off as needy through text.

Text messages cannot mask a woman's desperation and your ex boyfriend will be able to sense it. Tone down the neediness and show him you can handle being single and independent.

5. Be subtle when getting your ex boyfriend back.

This must be emphasized: Don't let him see that you want him back. This kind of desperation drives men away, so keep it cool. Let him know that you're thinking of him without showing him how much you want to be with him. Be nice without looking like you're still hung-up on your breakup. It takes a lot of strength to keep a straight face, but you must do it - remember that.

Try something like, "I was walking in the park and saw an adorable puppy. It made me smile because it reminded me of that cute dog we saw at the pet shop. Anyway, I hope you're having a great day."

Texts like these won't pressure the recipient to respond, and they sound sweet as opposed to needy. Your initial text messages to him should not come off as pushy or desperate because this will scare him off. Remember: getting your ex boyfriend back means not giving him any reasons to run away.

Get An Ex Back In 3 Steps: The Fast Track To Getting Your Ex Back

I'm not stranger to nasty breakups and trying to get an ex back. I've had breakups that I've handled horribly (see some of my other articles for examples of this) and never saw those girlfriends again. But I've also had breakups that I handled well and was able to get my ex back when I wanted to. Over the years, I've realized that handling breakups right (in a way that leaves you the option of getting back together) requires three steps. You don't have to follow the times exactly, but you do need each of these three steps in some capacity if you want to get an ex back.

Get An Ex Back Step 1: Leave them the heck alone.

The first part is pretty simple. No matter how much your emotions cry out to dial up your ex, beg them to take you back, and call every person they may or may not ever hook up with a scumbag, loser, tramp, etc., you need to remember this rule: No talking to your ex. None. You get to have one more conversation with them, and that ends with you agreeing that the breakup is a good idea and both of you need some time away from each other to figure things out.

Get An Ex Back Step 2: Move on.

Yeah, this one can be a bit counter intuitive. But if you want to get an ex back, you need to move on from them during this phase. This is the time for you to make your life great. Hit the gym, eat right, go out with your friends, date other people, work on your career, and generally do the exactly opposite of every stereotypical thing people do after a breakup. This is not the time to eat a pint of ice cream or drink a twelve pack of beer. It's the time for you to put yourself back in the center of your own life and start being the person you want to be.

Get An Ex Back Step 3: Start over slowly.

When you finally talk to your ex again (and this should be at least a month after the breakup), ask them to go for coffee to catch up. Meet them for a half an hour and no longer. Talk about the changes you've made ("I've been trying this new workout routine and I'm really liking it. I'm even up for a promotion at work."), and ask how they've been. End the coffee date before things get too reflective, and just say goodbye. Then call them again in another week and go out for coffee again, this time for longer. Slowly work your way up until you're practically together again, and have "the talk" about making it official. Don't beg, don't be clingy, don't get jealous, and DEFINITELY don't go on about how much better of a boyfriend or girlfriend you'll be if they just give you another chance. Be your new, confident, powerful self and they'll fall for you all over again.

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Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Through Text by Exercising Patience and Kindness

Have you been feeling lonely ever since your boyfriend left you? Are you at a complete loss as to what to do with your spare time now? If you find yourself missing him on a regular basis, then you might want to try and get your ex boyfriend back through text. Intrigued? Well, the good news is that doing this is incredibly easy to do. You just need to exercise the right traits. Read on.

Before trying to get your ex boyfriend back through text, you will to make sure that he has had enough time away from you to begin with. Has a month already gone by since he broke up with you? If it has been less than 30 days since the breakup, then you might have to avoid texting him until those 30 days are up.

This may be hard to do, but you have to give him time to miss you if you want to win him back in the end. Besides, giving him this much time will also allow him to think about why he left you in the first place. Who knows? By the end of the month, he might even realize that he made a huge mistake and may even ask you back on his own without you having to do anything. How great would that be?

Of course, if you want to get your ex boyfriend back in the end, you are going to have to stop saying bad things about him behind his back while waiting for the month to end, as well. No matter how bitter you might feel about the breakup, you have to avoid putting him in a bad light - even to your best friends.

Besides, staying positive about the whole experience will show your ex boyfriend how mature you are and will help him respect you despite any negative things that you might have done to cause the breakup.

Once your ex boyfriend has had enough time to miss you and think things through on his own terms, you can start texting him again. Ask him how he is and check up on him every now and then. Just make sure you don't force him to reply.

Once he does start to reply, though, you can become hopeful once again, but don't rush things. Remember: if you just stay calm and let things run their course, you will have much better chances to get your ex boyfriend back through text in the end.

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Forgiveness - An Important Eternity Perspective

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future."
~Bernard Meltzer

Forgiveness is a future concept. It is also about regret. For every single person that has mastered the art of forgiveness in one important relationship, there would be literally a thousand and more who have missed their opportunities. Many of these missed opportunities have contributed to a later lifetime of pain.

Forgiveness is a near and present option we all have.

There are grudges we hold against certain people - and all of us do - and our opportunity to make things right is now. Furthermore, we hold grudges even against ourselves. When will we identify these past issues of dissonance, put them to bed, and pave for ourselves a freshly hopeful future?

DEALING WITH OUR GENERATIONAL FAULTS OF MANUFACTURE

Most of our grudges against others occur because of conflicts of personality within the family or within the workplace. These dynamics have existed for generations and will continue to recur through succeeding generations long after we have gone. It stands to reason that we do not need to make the same mistakes others before us have, or those that will come after us - if they should so choose.

Our faults of manufacture are not God's fault. They are the fault of our pride.

We have available to us the opportunity to overcome our pride; to loosen the quiet grip of anger which prevents us from reconciling broken situations.

We may have had parents and grandparents and great grandparents who struggled to forgive, many of whom may have gone to their graves not having reconciled. It doesn't have to be that way with us. If we wrangle with our faults of familial manufacture - the ways we have been built - and we expose them to truth - we, and our present loved ones and colleagues, stand to benefit greatly. And regrets are circumvented.

DOING NOW WHAT ONLY NOW WE CAN

There are so many things we can only do now whilst we have the chance.

The importance of this principle can never be understated. We assume life will continue on the trajectory it is indefinitely, even though we know death comes to us all. Still, we put off and we put off and we put off. And though grace works through time to give us plenty of chances typically, we just never know when all those chances might dry up, suddenly. And sudden that transition is!

We are wise to do now what only now we can do. Before eternity intercedes, and we never know when it will, let us forgive; before it's too late.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

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Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back Through Text - 3 Important Strategies to Incorporate to Win Him Back

Can you think about nothing lately but getting your ex boyfriend back? Well, winning him back through text won't actually take up a lot of your effort and time. You just need to learn the following strategies:

1. Give him space and time.

No matter how much you want to text your ex and ask him for another chance, you have to stop yourself from doing so as this will only make things worse. If your ex refuses to reply to your texts, then that is a clear indication that he wants to be left alone. In a nutshell: heed his wishes. He will text you when he is ready; but for now, if getting your ex boyfriend back is your sole priority, you need to leave him alone. It's as simple as that.

2. Care about him.

Sometimes, ex boyfriends need far more time away after a breakup than their ex girlfriends want to give. So, if 30 days have already gone by since the breakup and your ex still refuses to text you back, then you might want to take a new approach and ask him exactly what he needs. Not only will this save you a lot of effort and heartache, but you will also save you a lot of time. Asking your ex point blank what he needs will show him that you actually care about how he feels. Plus, you will get your answer right away and find out whether there is still hope for you or whether you should just give up as early as now. Plus, being straightforward might actually help you at getting your ex boyfriend back since it is sure to make an impact on your ex either way.

3. Be sneaky about it.

If getting your ex boyfriend back with the aforementioned strategies won't work, then this last strategy might be the perfect one for you to use. Basically, all you have to do is use everything that you know about your ex to your advantage. If you had a long-term relationship with this guy before he broke up with you, then you should know what he likes and loves by now, including his hobbies, his favorite food, and his body's "hot spots". If so, then you can subtly use all of these things to woo him back by casually mentioning some of your most intimate memories related to them every time you text him. Sneaky, huh?

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Can You Win Her Back If You Were The One Who Messed Up In The Relationship?

You know now that you were in the wrong and that you really can't blame your ex girlfriend for wanting to break up with you. You feel like if you could just have another chance to get things right with her, then you would be able to prove to her that you really do love her and that you have learned your lesson. While that is all well and good, that does not really change the situation right now and that situation is, you want her back but she is the one who broke up with you. Can you win back your ex girlfriend if you were the one that messed up?

It all depends on what you did and how deep the emotional scars are that you left on her. Some things can be forgiven a lot more easily than others and you have to keep that in mind if you are serious about trying to win back your ex girlfriend.

Let's take a look at some of the common ways that you might have messed up and see if you stand a chance of winning her back:

1. You cheated on her.

Cheating can be the ultimate deal breaker and you have to realize that. For some women, even one instance of cheating is more than enough for them to feel like they can never trust you again. The more times that you did cheat on her that she knows about, the harder it is going to be for you to try and show her that it will never happen again. This is one of the "mess ups" that a guy can make that he might not be able to clean up. Of course, if you are able to prove to her that it won't happen again as well as make her feel like she wants to give you another chance - then you may be able to patch things up with her even if you were in the wrong.

2. You acted too jealous in the relationship.

Being jealous to a certain extent is natural, but being too jealous is another story. Most women take this as a red flag that you might end up being controlling or manipulative. Or, they may just see it as an insecurity that turns them off. No matter what, you don't want to be too jealous at all when you are dating a woman and if you do feel a little bit of that "natural" jealousy - you want to try and hide it as much as possible. If you were too jealous when you were dating her, usually the thing that you need to do is prove to her over time that you are not going to behave that way again. If you can do that, then you may be able to win her back.

3. You did not make time for her.

Taking a woman for granted is never a good thing and if you make her feel like you didn't care enough about her, it can be one of the things that will make her break up with you. However, it can also be one of the easiest mess ups that a guy can make to turn around. Again, this is something that takes time, as you have to prove that you are not going to take her for granted, but it can be done. So, if this was your mistake, I would say that you do really stand a good chance of being able to win her back if you want to.

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