You love your boyfriend a lot and he is delightful at times. But right now, you feel unhappy with your boyfriend, and you know your behavior could be pushing him away. To help save your relationship and make it even better, allow me to share with you some 'unhappy with boyfriend advice' (what I do when I am unhappy with my boyfriend). Doing this has not only saved our relationship from misery, we are both happy most of the time now. More importantly, as a result of what I've done, my boyfriend finds me so precious that he doesn't want to let me go. He has proposed and we are preparing for marriage!
My advice to someone who is unhappy with her boyfriend is to understand men better. To do this, I've attended seminars, read books, researched online and spoke to people (both male and female). Overall, I still find books to be the most comprehensive and accessible method to understand men better. The more you understand men, the easier it gets for you to help your boyfriend make you happier. Without additional knowledge, you can spin round in circles - doing the same old things while hoping for a different result... insanity.
However, in my quest to understand men better, I've made some common mistakes...
1. I asked my boyfriend to explain his behavior to me. From my experience, this only frustrates and confuses men. In the beginning, a guy may play along and explain himself. But the answers are usually very short and don't really explain anything. After a while, the guy gets frustrated and refuses to say anything. He gets very moody and withdraws. The relationship dies a slow death. So if you want to understand your boyfriend better, don't ask him yet. Learn from a trusted source first and confirm what you've learned with him later.
2. I've read some books and thought I knew it all. In the beginning, I read 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'. I even attended a talk by Dr John Gray himself. I thought I knew it all and stopped learning after that. Unfortunately, even though I had gained additional informational, it still didn't help me save my relationship with my ex. There was more that I needed to learn.
For some women, attending one course and reading one book can change the way they relate to their boyfriend and improve their relationship tremendously. Perhaps I am a slower learner. So, I've had to continuously read and learn more from relationship experts in order to understand men better.
My point is, if you've read some books before, applied the information and got happier with your boyfriend for a while, but then it got worse again, don't give up. Education is a life-long process. As long as we've got books about relationships to read, forums, counselors, married friends to talk to, everything is going to be fine. You definitely have the power to make your relationship dreams come true.
Why it's been important for me to understand men better when I feel unhappy with my boyfriend...
Each time I felt unhappy with my boyfriend, he wasn't the one who had a problem with our relationship. I did. And the more unhappy I was, the more he withdrew. This made me feel anxious, which caused him to withdraw further. It was a downward spiral. But spending time alone to read more about understanding men always brings my heart and mind back to the 'right' place... I feel a deeper compassion for my boyfriend and men in general. I also get great ideas on what to do to help my boyfriend give me what I need and want.
But shouldn't my boyfriend work harder to make me feel better too?
The fact is, men are really quite clueless about relationships. You may not believe it now, but all a man wants is to make you happy. And when you are not happy, he feels bad about himself. Unfortunately, men don't and can't truly understand a woman. I always tell my friends "Heck, I'm a woman and I can't understand women!" So I urge you not to be hard on your boyfriend when you are unhappy. If he knew how to make you happy, he would.
Still, nagging, scolding and criticizing him is NOT the way. You need to speak to him in a way that he understands. You need to communicate lovingly with him. Think about it: How often do you want to do something nice for someone who's mean to you? Fighting with a man only brings about more unhappiness. If you want to your boyfriend to adore you, you've got to understand more about men so you can communicate effectively with him.
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